From the Crotch


So a little after 11 I heard some noise outside. I looked out my window and saw something moving around by the trash cans.  I went outside expecting to find some tweak or loon foraging through my garbage.

As I approached the cans I heard a voice say , Oh it's you Bob. I stepped back as I could not see anyone there. Then suddenly from behind the trash can came a raccoon.

I thought immediately that I was finally having a flashback from all the acid I took back in the 70's. Just then the raccoon jumped up on the can and started rummaging through it.

He said, It's getting bad out here Bob. I used to let the wife and kids come along but no more. It can be dangerous now as we have competition out here now....

I go by myself now. The wife stepped on a needle last week in the alley, and my 2 little ones were playing as we rummaged and when we got home they were covered with human crap. 
The alley is filthy and the scent from them burns my nose.
He then asked…Do those folks have rabies? I said, No…but you’re close.

He said, I used to get an occasional scat..or someone would throw something to scare me away ..but it is different now. One of those crazy people chased me with a machete the other night. My cousin who lives down by Johnson Creek says those loons camped over there are up all night. Says when he goes down to the creek for a drink.. the ground smells like human urine. He said they stay up all night arguing and talking to themselves

I said, Yea it is getting pretty bad. And the rats he said, I never seen so many before and I have been around here for 10 years. We have had to move our nest a few times being overrun by them under houses.

He climbed up a tree to get to the next trash can .. looked in it and then jumped down. He looked up at me and said , Well you have a good night. I said , You too.. see you again sometime... He turned and looked at me and said, I don't think so,,, I am getting the hell out of here...way too dangerous for my family.

From the Crotch


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Well I woke up this morning....first thing I see while walking my dog is a guy in my driveway. I ask him what he is doing and he replies. Just going through my stuff homeboy. I notice my neighbor down the street is also eyeballing him. I told him I was not his homeboy and that he needed to get off my property. He kept his back toward me and was fiddling with something. I walked over and sure enough he had a hanger all bent up. The kind you use to unlock cars.... on a trash can with his pack was a piece of round wood like a dowel with a credit card stuck in the end of it. As I approached him he fumbled the stuff back into his pack. This time I told him to get the fuck out of here. He wandered away mumbling. My neighbor and I watched him go into the alley by the Shell station where I am sure he disposed of his burglar tools. I was on my way to an appointment and I am sicker then a dog...I did not even bother to report it.
White male - blue sweat pants - blue jacket with grey sleeves. About 30 had a van dyke and shoulder length hair. Carrying a blue back pack.

THE CROTCH! - Welcome to the Jungle

Now perhaps you can see why I call it 'The Crotch' 

Remember... about 20% of the crime in this area gets reported. If I called a cop every time I saw something going down over here they would have to open a sub-station.

By the way the police are doing all they can to investigate these shootings. There were four officer here yesterday following up. There was a little confusion.. but they are on it. 

Next time you read about a cop shooting some idiot with a gun, remember these are the same folks that fired a round into a house not caring about the consequences.

Five Closest Crimes That Occurred Around Your Address in the Past Two Weeks

A Shooting 5600 BLOCK OF SE 83RD AVE 3 days ago - 01/04/19 09:51 PM

B Assault 5600 BLOCK OF SE 85TH AVE 4 days ago - 01/03/19 06:29 AM

C Shooting 5600 BLOCK OF SE 84TH AVE 6 days ago = 01/01/19 02:55 AM

D Theft 5500 BLOCK OF SE 82ND AVE 7 days ago - 12/31/18 04:29 AM

E Shooting 5600 BLOCK OF SE 83RD AVE 12 days ago - 12/25/18 05:25 PM

THE CROTCH! - 83rd and Foster

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More bullets in the alley. Three or more guys walking through …very loud. Could not make out who they were. One was a black male wearing a hoodie, he was the one who fired the shot. Looks like they ran towards Ramona. Right in back of my house again. The kids next to me are scared shitless.. We have the solution and will be putting that in place within the next 2 weeks. Someone is going to get hurt or killed by these idiots. Cops were lit up and had sirens on so they may have found them, Will update.

THE CROTCH - the corner of Bullet Blvd & Bullshit Place.

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You may not like my description.... But a picture is worth a thousand words.

Fu#k all you advocates. That bullshit narrative you folks push has worn thin in our hood. This poor misunderstood guy who is on the streets because the rent is too high. (What a joke) Here we have a guy who walks the neighborhood taking trash bags and bringing them into the alley to dump them and go through them. We clean this alley up about once a month and they manage to fill it with couches, chairs, mattresses and tons of tweaker crap and of course needles and those beautiful orange caps which seem to be abundant everywhere.

They are destructive, they care about nothing.

The only reason it will be picked up is because I am there to make sure he does.

Yes right here in Lents..on the corner of Bullet Blvd and Bullshit Place.


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My neighbors next door just came over and informed me that they had a bullet hole that went through the wall in the back of their house into their living room ..through the TV and into the wall that adjoins my house. I have been complaining both on this page and in emails to law enforcement about this for over a year. I was told this morning by somebody the names of the guys that were back there last night….same ones involved in the other cases of shots fired.

We found a place on the second story where 2 more rounds hit but did not go into the house. Just a minute ago some of the other neighbors found a shell casing which they immediately covered. Police have been called.

Five or six feet that would have been in my sons bedroom window. This shit needs to stop. I watched this happen where I grew up over 40 years ago, I watched a decent neighborhood turn into a shooting gallery.

Between the street folks, the criminals and the drug addicts it is becoming more dangerous for residents to even be safe in their homes. Happy New Year from Lents!


Emmie Sperandeo

Discovers bullet hole in side of house New Years Day!


PORTLAND, OR (KPTV) - A woman says several shots were fired and at least one bullet flew into her townhome in Portland’s Lents neighborhood.

The woman says she’s lived at the home on Southeast 83rd Avenue for four months and has heard gunshots several times. Neighbors agree gunfire in the area is common, but say it’s the first time a bullet has actually gone into a home, that they know of.

Emmie Sperandeo says she woke up New Year’s Day to find a bullet had flown through her townhouse and become lodged in the wall that separates her unit from her neighbors’.

Not only did it pass through the exterior wall of the apartment she shares with two other roommates, she says it also went clear through their television set.

Sperandeo thinks it may have happened while they were all out Monday night celebrating New Year’s Eve. She says when they got home at 2 a.m., they went straight to bed without noticing anything unusual.

“I woke up this morning and I’ve never been more confused when I was like, ‘oh, there’s bullet holes in our living room,” Emmie Sperandeo said. “At first, I thought someone had tried to break in or was, like, in the house.”

Sperandeo says if the bullet had traveled any lower, it could’ve hit her dog, Bailey, who sleeps nearby.

A Portland police official says officers also found evidence of gunfire outside the townhouse.

Sperandeo says detectives were investigating the case Tuesday in the morning and afternoon; she says they found five shell casings not far from the home.

Portland police say no one has been arrested in connection to the case. Officers could not immediately offer any additional information.

Copyright 2019 KPTV-KPDX Broadcasting Corporation. All rights reserved.



Yes we rang in the New Year with at least three incidents of shitbags firing guns in our alley. At least a half dozen times I had to yell out my back window to get the F#$K out of the alley.

4:00 AM…Tweaker mad max vehicle pulls up 2 houses down from me and parks. You know the one... the plastic windows, one door tied shut...4 different tires and tags are so old they were probably taken off a covered wagon on the Oregon Trail.

I ask them “what are you doing here?” They said “we broke down.” I then asked “how come all you assholes break down on 83rd and Foster?” They said “someone was coming to help them.”

7:00 AM…. I go to get a coffee and they are still there. I ask the guy if there is something I can do to help them get moved. 

I can smell the funk from the inside of the car..sitting in mine…I can see the car is filled with food wrappers and trash. As he gets up crap is spilling all over the street. He again tells me they will be gone soon.

9:30 AM…Went to the store and while in the parking lot of the Shell station I start talking to Snoop. He was telling me that Jennifer who was known around here as The Angry Hooker died the day after Christmas from complications from AIDS. Jennifer was a fixture in the hood for the last decade at least. I suddenly look around and now there are at least 6 street folks all standing around. I was also given information that there is a house a certain gang is using and that they have taken Asia there on several occasions and assaulted her. Sad what is happening to that young girl.

10:00 am….Neighbors call me and tell me that the folks broke down on the corner are now having some guy drop off a small travel trailer that is already tagged. So..out comes the neighbors.. Same dedicated neighbors that stay involved keeping this block safe...or at least making an attempt.

We confront the guy with the trailer. I tell him.. You are not dropping that here. The couple in the car start to argue. The trailer is already tagged so I know what they are up to. There was some back and forth. They then tried to say they had to disconnect the trailer to jump the car…..I looked at the guy and asked him how stupid do you think I am? Your battery is in the front. He just stared at me. They talked among themselves and the tweaker lady kept buzzing around and every time she got in and out of the car more trash would spill into the street.

I just kept saying get it out of here. He hooked up the trailer and left.

Next another truck pulls up that is converted into a house. He gets out and talks to them, they goof around with the car and then all leave.

10 folks by 10:00 much for the shelter bullshit they serve us.

One thing I can tell you is that this winter so far there are many times the number of folks hanging around then last year.


From the Crotch - December 2, 2018


We all thought things would slow down.after all winter is upon us….we were mistaken!

The RV that was parked here that was drawing a lot of night activity is finally gone. It was tagged and towed. They left the plastic pumpkin they were shitting in as well as a couple of jugs of urine....

The Shell station some evenings has up to a half dozen street folks hanging out.

Most of you know the homeless guy Marty.. he left the area. He moved to different digs because he said it was too dangerous around here..... ?!?!

Hing Mings remains the same. Like flies to shit.. they seem to like to gather there. Shell, Hings and McDopers seem to where they like to graze,

The alley problems still remain. There was a group of 5 smoking crank yesterday. I told them I would call the police and they told me go ahead, its not illegal?????? Then other neighbors came out and they reluctantly left. In all, 13 were scooted out of there last week. 
Two of these folks attempted to tell me they had the right to camp in the alley. That we had no right bothering them????

My neighbor across the street has had his vehicle messed with 2 nights in a row. The night before last they attempted to pry open a back window and used something like an ice pick to break pieces of it. They returned last night and resumed work on it by breaking a small hole in the window.

Friday night my son coming home from a friends house had 3 Mexican guys pull a gun on him. They drove up on him as he was walking past the market on 85th and Woodstock. While pointing a gun at him they asked him if he took gas from Andy’s car? My son told him he knows no one named Andy and he has money so he can buy his own gas. They mumbled something and drove away. They were lucky... had they picked my other son and pulled a gun on him, their night would have ended much differently.

How were things on your block this week Ted ?

I understand what you’re going through…really I do!

I understand what you’re going through…really I do!

From the Crotch - LNA Flyers - November 25, 2018


So I received a call from a person that had this in their mailbox this morning. Looks like the whole block had them in their mailboxes. This is the second time folks have complained about being contacted by the LNA on an issue that has already been resolved yet they feel some need to have a meeting about it. Last month the LNLA had WestRock at the meeting and due to the hard work and push from resident Renee Goeckritz-Dutton they worked out a plan. A few days later ex board member Bader claimed gave some kudos to the LNA board for this success. We pointed out that not only did the LNA have NOTHING to do with it, one resident feels harassed. Emails, phone calls and now flyers..on an issue that has been resolved. without their input.


None of this surprises me. Nothing seems to have changed. Bogus elections. no interest by residents and more false claims about exactly what this group really does??

24 folks showed to your first election 18 to the next.... are you getting the hint?

Earth to LNA Board....This issue was resolved. There was a meeting on it a month ago with all interested parties present at the LNLA meeting..don;t you have by laws to finish that have been in the making for over a year ?

You folks on the board may want to read this. I am sure you will be getting a letter from the Postal Inspector.....

Is putting something in a mailbox against the law?

The U.S. Code for crimes and criminal procedure prohibits the placement of unstamped flyers in any mailbox. Title 18, section 1725 states that any person who knowingly deposits "mail-able matter" without postage in an established letter box shall be subject to a fine.

From the Crotch - Robin Hood Lives! - November 21, 2018

First I would like to wish everyone a very Happy Thanksgiving. Hope you all get to spend time with those you love.

Our Turkey Dinner operation went great. Instead of 25 we wound up giving out 32 dinners. Our apologies to Kelly Head Start Program for not having any resources left however we did notify Kelly School a month ago. We will gladly get you on next years list. Might want to check and see where the miscommunication was? Hmmm. Hope all the families we helped have a wonderful day.

Thanks to Penny, Char, David, Cliff, Julie and Kathy for delivering them!



With Mental Illness

Yesterday I got a call there was a tent in the alley. My son and I drove back there only to find a couple that had set up camp. While there a neighbor from the other side of the alley came out. We told the guy he needed to move. I gave him a bunch of numbers and addresses to ask for help,

While there I noticed that next to the tent there was a compound bow as well as several nasty hunting arrows. I asked him what he was carrying that for and he did not respond

I then asked him what his problem was? Why are you on the streets? Are you strung out? Alcohol? He told me that he has issues adjusting. I said, “then you have mental issues?” He said, “Yes.”

I then said, Well can you see why I might be concerned about a person who has mental issues behind my house with a very deadly weapon? He agreed. He was taking down his tent when we left and I told him to get rid of the bow before he gets his butt shot by a resident or officer that may think he is going to hurt someone.

A special THANKS and HAPPY THANKSGIVING to our Mayor, who I am sure will enjoy a lovely quiet dinner,,,without campers, mentally ill or compound bows.

Next : Bogus Elections / A failed grievance system.