From the Crotch


So a little after 11 I heard some noise outside. I looked out my window and saw something moving around by the trash cans.  I went outside expecting to find some tweak or loon foraging through my garbage.

As I approached the cans I heard a voice say , Oh it's you Bob. I stepped back as I could not see anyone there. Then suddenly from behind the trash can came a raccoon.

I thought immediately that I was finally having a flashback from all the acid I took back in the 70's. Just then the raccoon jumped up on the can and started rummaging through it.

He said, It's getting bad out here Bob. I used to let the wife and kids come along but no more. It can be dangerous now as we have competition out here now....

I go by myself now. The wife stepped on a needle last week in the alley, and my 2 little ones were playing as we rummaged and when we got home they were covered with human crap. 
The alley is filthy and the scent from them burns my nose.
He then asked…Do those folks have rabies? I said, No…but you’re close.

He said, I used to get an occasional scat..or someone would throw something to scare me away ..but it is different now. One of those crazy people chased me with a machete the other night. My cousin who lives down by Johnson Creek says those loons camped over there are up all night. Says when he goes down to the creek for a drink.. the ground smells like human urine. He said they stay up all night arguing and talking to themselves

I said, Yea it is getting pretty bad. And the rats he said, I never seen so many before and I have been around here for 10 years. We have had to move our nest a few times being overrun by them under houses.

He climbed up a tree to get to the next trash can .. looked in it and then jumped down. He looked up at me and said , Well you have a good night. I said , You too.. see you again sometime... He turned and looked at me and said, I don't think so,,, I am getting the hell out of here...way too dangerous for my family.